March Madness! – Who’s your superhero starting five?


Alek: As we’re in the middle of the madness, let’s talk some hoops. Who would be your superhero starting five?

(Standard basketball rules apply – you have dribble, destroying the ball isn’t allowed…meaning heat vision isn’t allowed, teleportation is considered traveling, and you have to account for the physical limitations of your players)

My team:

    PG – The Flash, I want a run and gun team…so I want the Fastest Man Alive to set up my players. (And it’s the Wally West version….screw Barry Allen.)
    SG – Bullseye, for obvious reasons. How can you stop the 3pt shot of the most accurate person alive?
    SF – I want a big, but agile guy here…Blake Griffin-like (even though I hate him)…so I’m going with the Black Panther.
    PF – Going for the 3 and D type player here, so I’m picking…a telekinetic…heh…Nate Grey from the Age of Apocalypse universe.
    C – Mr. Fantastic. Stretch would be the ultimate rim protector.

Bring it on, John.

Who would be your superhero starting five?

John: I feel this is unfair because against fantasy draft rules, you picked your 5 without taking turns. You said normal basketball rules apply… So, it’s not traveling if my players never touch the ground. I also protest that teleportation is travelling. If the player plants, I agree he can’t move his pivot foot. I’ll give you that he can’t teleport while planted on the ground, but let’s say he jumped and then teleported… Perfectly legal.

First, a few critiques of your team. Choosing a speedster may seem like a good idea, but I don’t think so. I don’t think the basketball could actually withstand that amount of speed and force. The force needed to dribble at that speed would destroy it instantly. That said, I chose a speedster as well, but for defensive purposes.

John’s team:

    PG – Bart Allen… The Fastest Flash… You’re fanboy zeal has led you to choose… poorly.
    SG – Nightcrawler. May not be as accurate as Bullseye, but give him the ball from anywhere, he jumps, teleports and scores. As long as the jump began before the three-point line, it doesn’t matter where he lands.
    SF – Nova. Hyperspace speeds, Nova-force enhanced strength, flight. Powerhouse on defense and offense.
    PF – Spectre. Magic powers that are god-like and apparently limitless. A good counter to anything, let alone telekinesis no matter how strong (Note: I get annoyed at characters who have this much power. What’s the point? Theoretically, Spectre and Grey are gods. You’ve effectively broken the universe you’ve created.)
    C – Hulk. Why? He’s theoretically the strongest. His power is determined by his anger and his anger knows no bounds. Try posting up on him.

Alek, your thought process is trapped by normal conventions. As Spock once commented on Khan’s battle plans, “He is intelligent, but not experienced. His pattern indicates two-dimensional thinking.”

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